Hitting Bottom

When I Hit Bottom and could have Died—


I had not been working at my new job for a month yet. This was the same week my ex and I broke up. Not that it's an excuse to drink, but for me it was. I decided to take an Uber to work and back. I wanted to be responsible but also knew I wanted to get drunk at this work event. But not this drunk.


I started with a Maryland Mule, switched to Sangria, then a Jalapeño margarita, had a Dark and Stormy, and then I blacked out. My coworker told me I also had three beers after that. So that's vodka, wine, tequila, rum, and beer. I don't remember leaving the restaurant. It flashes to my head sticking outside the Uber window, vomiting alongside the car. He pulled over to let me to finish. I don't remember getting home. It flashes to me sitting on my bed, with a wet washcloth on my face, and my roommate rubbing my back. I was sobbing. Then it flashes to me hovering over the toilet. Violently vomiting. Then I wake up.


I had vomit in my hair. On my pillow. Down the side of my bed and on the floor. I immediately panic and text my coworker asking if I had done anything embarrassing at the happy hour event and if people knew I was drunk. She responded "Sorry, but yes". I started to cry.

I couldn't hold water down. Everything I put into my body was rejected. I'm pretty certain I had alcohol poisoning. I showered and cleaned up my mess. I changed my sheets, cleaned up the carpet, and did a load of laundry. Luckily, I was supposed to go to a work event that morning, so showing up late to work wouldn't be so obvious.


Two weeks prior to this, I met a friend for lunch where she expressed to me what she was going through. She mentioned going to AA classes and I thought it was incredible she trusted me so much. I think everything happens for a reason, and I believe she was my angel. I decided to text her and asked when the next AA meeting was because I wanted to join. She invited me over for dinner and said we could carpool. I was so thankful.


Luckily this was the same day I had a phone session with my psychologist. I told her what happened the night before and that I decided to go to an AA meeting tonight with a friend. She thought that was a great idea. She also said, "Remember exactly how you're feeling at this moment so when you want to go pick up that first drink, you won't". I know I won't forget. This is the day I decided to get sober.

Feeling absolutely ashamed and embarrassed didn't even begin to describe how I truly felt. I kept thinking, I can't lose this job. I can't be kicked out of my roommates'  house. What do my colleagues think of me? "Look at this stupid new girl, getting trashed at her first work event" or "How could we take her seriously?". I knew I could never do this again.


I was able to hold down a protein shake and half of a banana. My body ached. I had a softball size bruise on my left leg that I don't remember getting. Apparently, I fell into my room. I had a bruise on my arm. My chest hurt. My abdominal muscles hurt from throwing up so much. The back of my throat hurt from all the acid. My head throbbed. I began drinking water and emailed my boss. I asked if we could have a private conversation when I arrived at work. He said "Certainly".


When did you hit bottom?


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