The Pixie Cut

I am now past my 1.5 years of sobriety and to celebrate, I got an Asymmetric Pixie Haircut while on vacation. It was well received by my boyfriends family in the city where I got it cut. I put pictures up on social media immediately after it happened and I was so excited, though during the process I had moments of “What did I do?!” My family had mixed reactions but overall, it’s just hair. It grows back.

I’m still figuring out how to properly style the longer part and how to accept I have one side of my head that’s more masculine and one side of my head that’s more feminine. Of course I feel “prettier” with the longer part because that’s what I’ve been used too my whole life. I know how to style long hair and feel more comfortable. The shorter part makes me feel like a boy and less confident. I’m not sure I’ve felt that way before unless it came to my body weight but you can cover up with clothes. You can’t really cover up hair unless you wear a wig. I was playing with thick headbands at home and my boyfriend, who loves the cut, asked me what I was doing. I said I was trying to figure out how to style it, though he knows me too well and said, “Hmm.  It looks like you’re trying to hide your haircut.” He was right. Before getting to work, I received a lot of stares by all types of people. Elder white folk probably not understanding the style. Young white and black females probably thinking I’m a lesbian. Some people taking a double take. I say “probably” because I’m just assuming and you know what assuming does. I get to work and some of my coworkers genuinely said “Oh my god, I didn’t even recognize you!” or “Oh my god, I LOVE your hair!” Then you get the people who say they love my hair but their facial expression says the opposite of what they are actually saying. Then you get those who look at you and clearly disapprove and don’t say anything. Which is fine because I didn’t get this haircut to get approval from anyone. It’s just interesting to see the different reactions. Throughout this process I realize I’ve never experienced this before—disapproval of people or stares of confusion based on how I look. I am a white female who wanted to have a fierce haircut. I have to be comfortable in my own skin and ignore the rest. Why do I care what other people think of me?  You would think I got passed that because I’m sober in my 20s and already get questioned by that but people see your appearance daily. People don’t know whether you drink or don’t drink unless you tell them or they observe it.  Why am I allowing people I don’t know bother me because of my haircut choice? In the end, I did this for me and to celebrate my sobriety with a grand change. I just have to get used to change again and be confident in my skin and ignore the rest.

What do you or did you do to celebrate your sobriety anniversary or anniversaries?

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